Thinking Your Way Through a Labyrinth of Contemporary Issues
Mohammed Wilkinson, (2015)
Being in love is a wonderful feeling. Life is fuller, has more meaning, and there is more enjoyment in it. I have recently fallen in love, and it is a warm feeling in the heart that just makes me happy when I feel it. What I want to share in this article are my thoughts about love, falling in love, and finding the “one”.
A bit of background: I am a muslim, and I have what you might call old-fashioned views about coupling before marriage. I believe in saving myself until marriage. Before I met my love, I had ideas of what an ideal wife would be for me, and the kind of qualities she needs to have just so that we become attracted to each other and can live harmoniously together. Things like intelligence equal or greater than mine, looks beautiful to me, accepts my quirks and looks, has similar or at least non-opposing views to mine and enjoys talking with me. I also thought ideally the girl I marry will be muslim, but my heart was open to anyone regardless of their background. I personally have always wanted to fall in love with whoever will be my wife. But I also knew that what I valued the most is being accepted and cared about by the girl I love.
Over the years (I’m 23) there have been various girls who have piqued my interest, and I am friends with them. But try as I might, I could never get the ball rolling with any of them. Another thing I have always felt was that I know I shouldn’t have to actively work to make someone like me or fall in love with me, it should just happen barely without any effort. And it did, it just happened like a snap of the fingers.
There was a girl I met and we clicked on an emotional level within the first minute and felt connected to each other. We have spent so much time talking with each other, sharing feelings and stories and just having fun, and by now we care deeply for each other. From day one our feelings have been mutual, and we’ve grown closer with each passing day. I am so grateful and happy to have met her, and it really feels like a gift.
What I want to discuss now is my reflections on how we became so connected and how that led to love. It starts with mercy and acceptance. What do I mean by that? I mean that when you find out the vulnerabilities, conditions, and general flaws of the other person you literally embrace them, emotionally, with open arms, with no judgement and with kindness. This feeling of acceptance warms the hearts of both people, and it keeps the interaction going. The next stage is when you deeply care about that other person’s life and well-being, and when it is clear to the other person you care about them so much, they then also care a lot about you. Honestly it is at this stage where it is blurry, do you care about them because you love them, or you come to love them because you care about them? But in any case, I believe caring about the other person’s well-being deepens the emotional bond between the two people. Before you know it, you have fallen in love! How do you know? Well, it is a similar feeling to the love that you would feel for your parents, siblings and pets, but it is deeper than that and more special because you were strangers only a minute ago, but then connect at a very deep level. When you love that person, you will just know. They become a crucial part of your present life, and you want to make them a part of your future.
What effect has falling in love have on me? Glad you asked. For one thing it is a source of great happiness for me. To be sure, I wasn’t unhappy before I met her, but now it is a new source of happiness. I have become very grateful to even be given a gift like this. And I have lost interest in other girls. Sure I can appreciate the beauty of some girls, but even those, now don’t make feel like I need their attention or want to get to know them. Ultimately though, I have realized there is someone special for each of us, and that we are probably meant to find this love so that we can understand God’s love.
I believe in God and his benevolence, and falling in love has made me appreciate God’s benevolence and love even more. He is a kind God, to have provided us with a special person to be content with.